Slowly I pulled myself up off the floor and looked out the open door onto the street.  Streetlights illuminated parts of the street as the shadows consumed the rest.  I did not know exactly what I was going to do or where I would go but deep down inside I knew I could not stay in this house anymore.  I was not meant for the warmth of a home, for the love of a woman or for the nourishment that lay inside.  I was meant for deeper, more sinister things and my past showed that to me.  If I had it in me to kill a good friend like Ralph and a man I barely knew then I was capable of anything.  No longer would I let the good Ben come out, with his sense of justice and honor.  He was no longer alive, he had disintegrated only to allow the murderous Ben to emerge with more strength and power than the old Ben could have ever had. 

“Ben please…” her voice echoed in my head.  “Please don’t do this.  You are not evil, you are not a murderer…you are a good man.”

Shaking my head, I raised my hands and cupped my ears.

“No, do not talk to me anymore.  You're not real.”

“Ben…”

“I said NO, leave me the hell alone.  I do not need you or anyone.  You are dead Lily.  Leave me alone and stop talking to me.”

With my last words, I darted out of the house into the street where I quickly ran to the shadows between two houses. 

Skulking through the shadows of the houses, I made my way through several backyards and into an alleyway.  The alley was narrow and overgrown with weeds.  Houses were lined up side by side like sitting ducks waiting for a hunter to peck them off with his shotgun.  Several homes had lights on inside and out but I stayed away from those homes and looked for one that seemed just right.  The evil that had poured into me was restless, it needed to play, and who was I to stop it.  Looking down the alleyway one house immediately caught my eye.  Slowly I crept up to it.  Scanning the alley and homes, I knew I was unseen, which made me smile.  This time I would remember the malicious events, I would be sure of it.  If I was going to be labeled a murderer than I was going to be damn sure that I enjoyed every minute of it.  Approaching the house was simple as I crept through the weeds, stepping ever so quietly.  The house stood large and portentous before me.  Its dark brown brick exterior added to the gloom of the night.  Of all the other homes on the alley this was the only one without a fence separating the pathway from the home.  The two-story brick home seemed aged and weathered; the paint from the windows was peeling and the single light on the back porch sparked as it tried to stay lit.  Stealthily I walked into the yard and up to the porch where I quickly looked around before pushing open the unlocked door and quickly vanishing inside. 

While I snuck through the house, I noticed there was not much furniture.  The house seemed abandoned which angered me.  This was my time to prove my strength, to show all those who had doubted my innocence just what I could do if provoked and now I would have nothing to show anyone.  My malicious thoughts began to subside as I scanned the partially empty home.  Each room I went to showed nothing and no one.  Beginning to lose my will, I walked to the far end of the home and stood before the last closed door.  With my hand on the knob, I paused and then pushed it open with much force. 

“Holy shit man,” a voice screamed from inside the dark room.

Those three simple words sent chills through my body and a sly smile to my lips.  Without uttering a word, I took several steps into the room.  Through the dense darkness I was able to make out the unknown man’s silhouette cowering in the corner.  What was he doing in here, I wondered.  Who cares, I responded to myself as the smile widened across my lips.  He was mine now.  My mind bounced back and forth from good to bad.  Shaking my head I removed the good, I was sick of being respectable and moral, it was time to be merciless and cruel.

“Who the hell are you,” the voice called from the far right corner of the room.  “And what the hell are you doing in here?"

Still no response came from me as I took another step and another until I lingered close enough to smell his filthy stench.  The putrid odor coming from the unknown man told me much about him without having to inquire.  He was homeless, a man down on his luck who had chosen this deserted home as his solace for the night.  Unfortunately, for him he picked the wrong house, the wrong night, and the wrong man to deal with.  After months of unrelenting agony I had finally cracked.  With the strength of ten men, I lunged forward in the darkness towards the man and grasped his thin, malnourished neck in my strong grasp.  Slowly I began to lift him off the ground as he flailed about gasping for air.  His bone thin hands clenched my hand as he tried to pry my fingers from his throat.  Throwing my head back, I let out a sinister laugh, one I did not think I had in me.

“Ben, let him go please,” her voice pleaded.  “If you do this now, you can not go back."

The unknown man continued to fight for air within my grasp.

“Lily…I just can’t…I can’t fix what I have already done.”

“But Ben, you have done nothing.”

Anger built with a searing heat inside me.  What was she talking about?  I had done something, something horrible.  Unconsciously I began to relax the stone grip I had on the man’s neck.

“I told you not to put blinders on Ben…let him go.  Leave this place and go home before you do something you can not take back.”

“You’re not alive,” I mumbled as I dropped my head. 

The homeless man whom I still held strongly in my grasp had stopped moving.

“Drop him now!”  her voice hollered.

Instantly I opened my hand and the man fell with a thud to the ground.  Standing over him I slowly lowered my hand to my side and shook my head before turning and walking out of the room.  Making my way back through the house my mind raced with thoughts, some sinful and some righteous.  Each step I took away from the house the more confused I was.  Why did she say I had done nothing when clearly I had?  I had killed Ralph and Kenny and for what?  As I headed back down the alleyway away from the house, I contemplated my next move.  The anger I had felt earlier still bumbled inside my soul waiting to erupt.  I wanted it to but at the same time, something inside me screamed out not to let it.  The two sides fought a battle inside my body that I feared would only end up in a catastrophe that not even I could comprehend.  Heading out of the alley, I made my way between the two houses I had gone though earlier.  As I reached the street, I stopped and stared at the house directly across from me.  Our house.  Mine and Abby’s.  From where I stood a light shining in the house caught my eye.  When I had left earlier, the house was in complete darkness and now a single light in the living room illuminated it.  I paused and continued to study it.  Within seconds, movement came from within.  A slightly clothed Abby walked into the living room and stopped before the window.  Looking out into the street, she seemed to watch me but I knew she could not see me in the shadows of the two large homes.  Watching her from a distance, I remembered all that made me love her.  It felt like many lonely years ago but it was not long at all.  The overpowering feeling of anger began to subside and I began to feel the old Ben coming back.  Instantaneously I walked out of the shadows and into the light.  At that moment, Abby turned to me and I knew she had not been looking my way until that moment.  Slowly I crossed the street and walked towards our house.  Abby had disappeared from the window only to reemerge inside the open doorway.

“Ben,” she said in an uncompassionate tone that showed she was only acknowledging my sudden presence and nothing more.

“Abigail,” I replied.

We stood there for several minutes just looking at each other.  Abby slowly raised her arms and crossed them under her supple bosom before stepping back and allowing me in.  We did not speak much that night and even though I wanted to say all the right things to her, nothing came out at all.  Midnight came and went as we both sat in the living room, her on the couch and I in the chair.  We did not speak or even acknowledge each other’s presence.  Abby was thoroughly hurt still by what I had said I the hospital earlier that day.  I wanted to take it all back yet on the other hand, another part of me stood my ground defiantly.  Abby sat forward and shut off the TV before turning to me briefly.  I did not meet her eyes as I stared at the now black screen of the television.  Abby huffed and then stood up, walking past me into the bedroom and slamming the door behind her in protest.  With her out of the room, I turned my gaze to where she had sat moments before.  Staring blankly at the empty couch my mind continued to try to make sense of what was going on inside me.  I felt torn, torn in two.  The good fighting the evil, trying to keep it at bay but it was life that made me this way, so why should I try to hold it back?  I wondered.  Should I allow my most vengeful inhibitions to take over?  Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and lay my head back onto the chair.